Burned Out

I have gotten even worse at posting and it's not really that I haven't had times I could write posts- I still have pictures for the March Citrus Lane Box that I haven't put into a post yet as well as a few other blog posts waiting.

 

But honestly at this point I'm burned out in every aspect of my life. When I do have some time (which is rare) it's so overwhelming to think about all that I have waiting and blog posts are the least of my worries. Sometimes I just sit on the couch and ignore everything (and believe me I don't even have time for that very often). Dave and I have started a list of things we need to do around the house. My guest bedroom has turned into a storage room. I keep cleaning it out (mostly, still have a few boxes that I don't want to put in the attic/summer heat and haven't found a place for them) and then I fill it back up again cleaning out other areas of the house. Most of our house is actually pretty picked up but then we go through Neil's clothes to get out the next size, or decide to put some of the toys he's outgrown away, etc. Plus our garage and any storage areas in the house are pretty stuffed right now. That doesn't mention any of the projects we need to do, regular upkeep on the house.

 

I also am having trouble exercising. I do have an exercise bike and treadmill at home but often when Neil is napping I'm doing other chores and I don't really have time when he's awake. He tends to be somewhat clingy, and especially lately it's been worse. I bring clothes to work and try to run sometimes at lunch with a coworker or two but that's probably been an average of once a week. I often don't get lunch unless I force it. Exercise does seem to center me though and get some of my emotions out, especially when I run. Nothing like working up a sweat...

 

Speaking of work, I won't say a lot about that but I've burned out there as well (and I think that's where my overall burn-out started). I work on the test team and you know where schedule crunch is going to come since we're last before the equipment ships. We test up to 4 systems (actually 5 at one point) at the same point on our test floor and it's hard to keep everything straight and keep things moving. There is a lot of pressure there as well.

 

Then coming home I only get a few precious hours with Neil. I try to cook dinner and make sure he has food for daycare and that in itself is another job, especially when he's clingy. He literally grabs onto my legs and I can't even move as he screams. He's perfectly fine if I'm either paying attention to him or he's in my arms. Actually, even if I pay attention for a bit and he gets busy playing, he distracts but that only lasts so long.

 

I completely can feel (I think) what the stay at home mom's are saying about not being able to get anything done. I was just thinking the other day that I don't even clean out the litter box- don't want Neil getting into that while I'm doing it!

 

And you would think I would have evenings but often I get on my laptop for work to finish things up, plus I get into work around 6am (that's kind of been pushing later lately though I have to admit) and with a pumping session at home before work I get up at 4:40am and am exhausted by 9pm. It's all just crazy!

 

I'm just hoping I can push through this. Honestly I think there are times I'm feeling depressed. So say a few little prayers that I can somehow relax a bit and calm down a little. In the meantime, here are a few pictures of my awesome son. I haven't mentioned Dave, either, but I wouldn't be able to do any of this without him. One night as he walked in the door after work (I get home first and try to have dinner ready about when he gets home, doesn't always happen), I was making dinner for that night and the following night since we were going to be going to a Penguins hockey game together (which was a lot of fun). I had all 4 burners going on the stove along with the oven, and Neil chose that day to be extra clingy. Poor Dave walked in to me almost crying, feeling like an absolute failure. Work had been terrible, I was feeling dumb, and I couldn't even get food on our table as my son was screaming. Dave just gave me a hug, told me I was doing a good job, and took Neil away so I could try to finish what I was doing. He didn't even comment on how late dinner ended up being and said the food tasted good.