First baby gift!

I received my first baby gift from my friend Jessie. She works in a zoo and recently was part of a fundraiser for rhinos. The American Association of Zookeepers has a bowling event where all funds are donated to rhino conservation. She was the top fundraiser this year and I'm still hoping she wins a trip to Africa (out of a nationwide drawing of the top fundraisers)!

Anyway, she sent a little rhino stuffed animal that she won as a door prize. It's so cute!! 

18 weeks

I ran for the first time since May this past week. It was so nice. I went with a good friend and I realized even more just how much I have missed running. It can be such a good stress reliever.

I finally am getting a stomach that is a little bit noticeable in clothes! Dave pointed it out when we were at his sister's over the weekend and a few friends/coworkers have agreed that they can see it. Of course, I know there's a long ways to go but it's nice to see something down there! I wonder if I'll pop and be obviously pregnant in the next few weeks. Remember how I was kinda complaining last week??

And there's a little belly!

How many weeks: 18

Size of baby: A sweet potato and measures 15 cm or 6 inches.  The baby also weighs 250 grams or 8.5 ounces. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I gained 1 pound this past week. Overall I am up 3.5 pounds.

Maternity Clothes: I want to go out and buy some soon. I at least need something like a be band. It's amazing how much difference you can see in just one week. I think this is why I have had some weight gain, too. A week ago my work pants were loose and now they're kind of tight. I'm not ready for actual maternity clothes yet but things are definitely tight. The be band should help that. 

Gender: We will know in 8 days!

Movement: Last week I thought maybe I was feeling something. I didn't feel anything at all this week so it was probably more my imagination. I had my monthly appointment yesterday and she said I might not feel anything until around 20 weeks. I'm trying to be patient.

Sleep: I thought we were supposed to get energy in the second trimester! ;) Last night I fell asleep without meaning to on the couch before 7pm. And I'm just really tired. So yep I'm still sleeping really well. 

What I miss: Beer, beer, beer. Pumpkin beers are out. If you haven't ever, try one on my behalf. Dogfish Head Punkin, Southern Tier Pumpking, Weyerbacher Imperial Pumpkin, or Michigan Brewing Screamin' Pumpkin.  All good pumpkin beers.

Cravings: I'm not having any cravings but I think I'm getting more hungry now, in general. I need to try to focus and eat more healthily.  

Aversions: I had hard boiled eggs in a salad and was fine with those. So maybe eggs are ok now. Ground beef for the most part seems ok. Chicken, I still need to keep trying. But yep, I think these are all going away. No more excuses for living on pizza and ice cream, haha! 

Symptoms: I am getting pretty tired again, more than I had been. I also have round ligament pain. I wasn't sure what it was but when I pointed to where it was at my appointment yesterday she said that's probably what it was. I don't consider it painful, but I realized after she said what it was, that it kind of is painful but the same way sore muscles are (and I think round ligament pain is just sore muscles that are growing). I actually love the feeling of sore muscles the day after I work out; it proves I did something! 

Best moment this week: It has been a crazy (busy) week. And I thought things were going to slow down for us! On Saturday we had a garage sale and we sold everything we were trying to except the stair stepper and a printer/computer monitor that are basically junk (and had free signs on them the entire time). So that frees up a LOT of room. I keep walking into some of our rooms and just saying ahhhh because it feels so nice in there and not as cluttered. We still have some work to do but that's one step closer to getting a nursery ready! 

Looking forward to: 8 days until our ultrasound. :)

RIP Jeff Thurkins

RIP to my uncle, Jeff Thurkins. I have so many fond memories of you and even though I haven't seen you very often in recent years, I'm so glad I got to visit when I traveled to the area for work. You will be greatly missed and we all love you.

17 weeks

So, yep, now that my scheduled posts are done my blog has really slowed down! ;) I got used to a post going every day and other than these weekly posts, wasn't really writing any new posts. I'll get better about that. But, for awhile, I have guaranteed weekly posts at least. And I'll post here and there in between those.

Keeping it real and how I'm feeling... Hopefully this week I don't come across as too negative.

I'm actually talking to a few friends who are currently pregnant to get some reassurance (thanks, girls, if you're reading this). I have to admit, I just in general feel nervous. I'm well past my previous miscarriage points but I'm also aware of a good number of people who have had losses now or later. I guess that's the downside to talking to people who do understand this stuff because they've been through it themselves; you become more aware of other loss stories at every stage of pregnancy.

I already know I tend to get anxious very easily so I try to just take deep breaths and relax. Why am I nervous right now, though? I see a lot of people online and stuff who are as far along as I am. For one, they all seem to be showing, even those who are weeks behind me! I do know that this happens differently for everyone but it's still a bit nerve wracking. And yes, I should be enjoying the fact that I still am not REALLY showing. (Although I am finally gaining some weight, but still below pre-pregnancy weight. I have retired some of my tighter shirts because I do feel a bit self conscious in them, getting to the stage of looking like I've gained weight but not looking pregnant yet.) I know that this is my first kid, so my muscles will hold better, and that I was in fairly decent shape pre-pregnancy which helps as well. Plus I'm taller and have a decent sized torso, which also helps hide anything in there.

The other thing is lack of movement. I know that's early, as well, but again, the other women online who are as far as I am or even weeks behind seem to be feeling movement and I have to admit I'm a bit jealous. Smack me when I'm complaining about how the baby's kicks hurt and stuff, later in the pregnancy. Haha. I do have an anterior placenta and the midwife did say in order to feel anything I'd have to lay on my back and really focus. I've tried that but so far all I feel is my own heartbeat/pulse, nice and steady down there.

On the postive side though- I do have the doppler and I do use it, although still not on a daily basis. See, I do show some restraint, haha! I don't really feel pregnant and sometimes it's kind of hard to believe I am. I look at the vegetable/fruit that's listed as being the size of the baby, each week, look at my stomach, and can't believe there is something of that size inside of me right now. It's just amazing to think about.

And I definitely am gaining some weight. You can see it in the pictures I'm taking, if you compare them side to side. My jeans are finally getting a little tight. My work pants are still loose but they were looser to begin with.

I almost didn't post a picture.  This picture is 17 weeks and 3 days, and I really think all of a sudden in the last few days my stomach has gotten bigger!  So the difference between 17 and 18 might not be much since this is actually just around 17 and a half weeks.  But here it is. BTW other than this paragraph, this post was written at 17 weeks. Starting to REALLY show is making me feel better!

The shorts I have on do not have a button or zipper, on purpose. So yep, that's my belly!

Hopefully soon I won't be lifting my shirt. I think I'm pretty much to that point but Dave said it was hard to tell in the first picture, so here ya go! 

How many weeks: 17

Size of baby: An onion and measures 13.5 cm or 5.3 inches. The baby also weights 150-200 grams or 5.3-7.0 ounces. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I have gained 3(!) pounds this week so I am overall up 2.5 pounds. Keep in mind that's overall weight as of positive pregnancy test. Pre-pregnancy was still higher than that. I dropped weight after conception before I knew. I'm going to have to stop looking at the scale. I started doing that daily as a weight gain prevention tool about a year and a half ago. If you monitor weight in general, you can see an upward trend and stop it before it gets out of control. So right now it's a bit hard to watch the upward trend and not say, oh, I should watch my diet more, or I should up my exercise. ;) I know I'm supposed to be gaining and- ha- see my comments above, in some ways I'm looking forward to it! But it's still hard to break the mentality of "Oh crap here goes my weight." So I am going to start just weighing myself weekly for this update (and the midwife visits). If that doesn't help enough I'll limit it to my monthly midwife visits and stop updating here on a weekly basis.

Maternity Clothes: Like I said above, my normal jeans are getting a bit tight. I do have a pair of jeans that's slightly bigger and they're still falling down when I put them on. So now I'm in the in between stage for jeans. I've made up my mind to not wear some of my tighter shirts, but I definitely don't need maternity clothing yet.  

Gender: I will know the answer to this (if the baby cooperates) in slightly over 2 weeks!!! 

Movement: So I have tried several times to focus as I lie on my back and I don't think I feel anything. I have, at various times, felt something that I don't know how to describe. People seem to describe the early movement as fluttering or the feeling that a washcloth is being wrung out. I definitely don't feel anything like that. What I feel is kind of just pressure but it's constant pressure, in one little contained spot (usually on my left side which actually is also right around where I find the heartbeat pretty consistently with the Doppler). I can't say it's a kick just because it lasts for awhile. Could that be movement? I have no idea. A friend said to see if it gets stronger in the coming weeks and if it does, then it is! But it doesn't sound like anything anyone else has described. And it hasn't really been when I've been lying down either.

Sleep: I sleep like a log. :) Until I have to pee.  

What I miss: I signed up for the Steelers Gatorade 5K! As a runner!  It doesn't mean I won't walk but it gives me the opportunity to run if I want to. If I had signed up as a walker I would not be allowed to run the entire race.  So I can cross running off my miss list. :) Of course, I'm going to do this on NO running beforehand, since May. Oops. Maybe I'll get a run or two in between now and then.

So, I still miss beer and wine. That is going to be a given. After labor will someone please bring me a beer?


Cravings: Not really anything.

Aversions: Ummm... maybe still meat. I still have trouble thinking about eating a lot of that so... not sure if that's because it's an aversion or the reaction I had previously still in my mind. 

Symptoms: This week has been pretty good actually. I haven't felt as light headed. I'm sleeping really well. I don't really have any symptoms. This is why they say the 2nd trimester is the best, right?

Best moment this week: We ordered a crib this week! We had to special order it, so I'm glad we did this now. They said it could take 12 weeks to come in.

Looking forward to: Ok I started a count down. 15 days until our ultrasound! 15 days... I cannot wait to see our baby again.

Games N' At

This past weekend, my brother was in to visit. We always do more touristy type things when family or friends come into town- funny how that always works.

This time we decided to take Alex to Games N' At, which is in the Southside. It has a bunch of the older style video games but instead of putting a quarter into the machine or using points like you do at Dave and Buster's, you pay a fee for a certain number of hours and play all you want.

This was our first time there. We had a lot of fun and I would definitely go back.  These are the types of games they had:
Pinball Machines- most were good; on one the little flipper didn't work but since I didn't pay for that game individually I didn't care
Old style video games- Asteroids, Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man, Donkey Kong, among others (Those 4 are my favorite.) Although, for me, I played them on the Atari, never on I'm not sure what you call it but the arcade type thing. So I struggled a bit with the controls.
Pool Tables - Included in the hourly price!
Some ticket type games - we didn't play these and you did have to buy tokens for these ones
Skeeball/basketball
The game that they have at bars now- I beat all the high scores in Sudoku at Games N At
Duckpin bowling- first and only time I actually beat Dave at bowling. And first time I've tried duck pin bowling, although Dave said the pins should be a little shorter and fatter.

I would definitely recommend that place and Dave already said he wants to have a birthday party there. They offer food and the package includes at least 3 hours of game play. But it is a bit expensive for just a random birthday party, so maybe for his 40th? (I never said that to him, that maybe we should wait.)

We were not good picture takers this weekend, even though we did get around quite a bit. But here's a link to their web site and I stole a picture from their web site.

Photo Courtesy of Games N' At

Station Square - Family Visit

My parents and brother were in town a few weeks ago. We went on a Just Ducky tour of Pittsburgh, which is something I've always wanted to do. We only seem to do this type of stuff when friends/family come to visit. The Just Ducky tour is on a vehicle that goes both on land and water so you get to actually see the city from the rivers, which makes me want to buy a boat (but nope, too expensive).

Alex and I with our "Quackers" They have you Quack on the tour

Alex standing outside our vehicle

We sat in the back- I would recommend the back to anyone- you get a better view of the city/river.

The land part of the tour. See, in the front you don't get views like this.

In the water

There were a lot of beautiful views of the city

Monongahela Incline

The other Just Ducky vehicles in the water

How often will you get a view of the submarine with the skyline behind it?

After the Just Ducky tour, we headed to Melting Pot for some grub, and then did a ghost tour of the Monongahela Incline and Mount Washington. We didn't really take pictures there (I think my dad did though). The ghost tour was pretty good- and it was fun to walk around Mount Washington.

Riding on the incline- the flash was too bright so my dad covered his eyes

16 weeks

This is my first live post! It's been a little weird watching these posts go up. I wrote them weeks and months ago and it's been very private for me, writing them, but it's becoming public now; all my thoughts and feelings. I know some of them don't say a whole lot but still. It's more than I've said out loud to most people, maybe anyone other than Dave. And this is a completely public forum so anybody can read it. But I'm getting used to it; it just felt weird at first, watching these posts go live on the blog.

This past week I did have some issues. On Monday after lunch when I sat down at my desk I started feeling very weird twinges and stuff in my entire stomach area and up my right side in the front. It even included the area right under my ribs (really high up). Very weird. I figured they were just stretching/growing pains but wow they hurt more than I expected. And that night it was bad enough that it woke me up and I couldn't fall back asleep. I have a history of UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections) pre-pregnancy and those are more common during pregnancy. I feel like I've been fighting one for the past month. I know how to handle those, though, so I've been trying to handle it myself. BAD IDEA. Apparently a UTI during pregnancy can cause early labor and at this point the baby would not survive that. So I called the midwife center on Tuesday (also stayed home from work) and got tested for a UTI and got the antibiotic for it. If I don't hear from them, that's what the issue is. (I haven't yet and it's been more than 48 hours.) I did feel better after starting the medicine; the crampiness/twinges went away. So, who knows. They recommended I just keep taking the cranberry supplement the entire pregnancy instead of only taking it if I feel like something is coming on. I'm also drinking a lot of water, which should be flushing my system out.  It looks like now I will be testing for this more often just to get antibiotics if I do need them. (Thank goodness it isn't a blood test, yay!)

How many weeks: 16

Size of baby: An avocado and measures 11-12 cm or 5 inches. The baby also weights 100-150 grams or 3.5-5.3 ounces. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm the same as I was last week so down half a pound. 

Maternity Clothes: Nope still no maternity clothes. My normal clothes still feel the same but I can tell that I definitely am starting to feel different, my actual stomach area. I don't know how to describe it. I think I'm getting to the point where it looks like I'm gaining weight but not obviously pregnant? Maybe the very early part of that stage. 

Gender: This past week I had a dream that we had our anatomy scan and they said they "think" it was a girl. I immediately told them that they were wrong- because I've been feeling like the baby is a boy. But it also really bugged me that they "thought" but didn't know for sure. When I asked what they meant by that, they wouldn't tell me.

Movement: At my last appointment, I was told that if I concentrate when I'm laying on my back in bed around 16-17 weeks, I might feel movement. I haven't felt any yet but I haven't tried.  And she said especially with it being my first time, I will really need to concentrate and focus. I'm not going to just feel it when watching TV or something. But I'm adding this to my list of weekly items to talk about because maybe soon... Maybe.

Sleep: I'm still sleeping well other than having to get up to pee. And honestly I attribute some of that to UTI. That's part of the reason I think I have one- I get up to pee in the middle of the night because I feel like I need to but I don't really have to. That's annoying. On Tuesday, after I had a lot of trouble sleeping the night before, I was exhausted and just laid on the couch all day. But in general, I'm still going to bed early and sleeping pretty heavily. Well, heavily for me.

What I miss: I miss running. I have the whole time. I haven't put that here because I could run if I had more energy; it's midwife okayed (and recommended actually). Well, as long as it's not super hot out, which it has been. I keep eyeing up races and thinking, maybe?! The next one I'm eyeing up is the Steelers Gatorade 5K on September 2nd. Honestly though I don't think I have enough time to get ready for it when I haven't run since May. Maybe I'll sign up to walk it. The raffle is for free Steeler tickets...... 


Cravings: I like sweet stuff but I still don't call that a craving because I normally have a sweet tooth. 

Aversions: I avoid the things that have been aversions so... same things? (Beef, chicken, eggs)

Symptoms: I am still getting really light headed! And I read somewhere (ok this is a bit embarrassing) that you produce more saliva when you're pregnant. I keep waking up to find that I have drooled big time. You know, the kind where you just run your hand over your whole mouth separating the slobber from the wet pillow and sigh. Ewwww! ;) Also, if I don't get enough sleep I really feel weak/tired. 

Best moment this week: We started looking at cribs and talking names. It's fun to be able to talk/think about this stuff. And overwhelming. But still. Fun. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to make a separate post with the nursery theme I just found. I found it as a joke but it's so cute I like it! I'm just not sure I'm ready to share yet. (Better watch out- someone else might steal my idea! Hee hee.)

Looking forward to: Our ultrasound on September 7. I know, I'm a broken record. I am not counting down days though so I'm not being over obsessed or trying to rush things too much; just living day by day right now!

15 weeks

I think this will be my last weekly scheduled post on pregnancy. From now on (after this one) I should be posting these live. They will be on Thursdays or Fridays, depending on if I have time on a Thursday to write and get a picture up. My week change is on Thursdays.

I've been swamped at work so I don't have a lot pregnancy related to really talk about.

Why does my arm look so massive in this picture?

How many weeks: 15

Size of baby: An orange and measures 10-11 cm or 4.0-4.3 inches. The baby also weighs 100 grams or about 3.5 ounces. The baby only grew in length by about a centimeter but doubled in weight within the last week.

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  I've gained a pound in the last week so I'm half a pound down overall. I still weigh myself every day but will probably need to stop doing that or I'll drive myself crazy. But this week I had the highest weight I've had in awhile so I think my trending is now starting to go up for sure. (I've been reporting my weight on Thursdays, regardless of what it was every other day of the week.)

Maternity Clothes: Talking to some of my friends who are pregnant or have been pregnant, apparently it will be another month or two before I'll really pop. So... I guess it will be a bit before I need maternity clothes.  Any "bump" I have right now is really fat being pushed up by my growing uterus. Sorry if TMI there. And I am finally feeling bigger but I bet it's not really noticeable. I'll have to ask people. I still have been getting comments about how skinny I am.

Sleep: Kind of sleep related, I am finally getting some energy back. I still get drained easily but when I wake up in the morning I'm not completely exhausted. Over the weekend I seem to get 11ish hours of sleep a night, which probably helps, too. And as usual I get up to pee but it seems to be only once and about half an hour or so before my alarm goes off. (I do fall back asleep because I'm still pretty tired though.)

What I miss: The weeks are starting to fly by and I haven't really been missing anything specific.


Cravings: Not really anything.

Aversions: Still having some meat issues, off and on.

Symptoms: I had my first day of eating like a pig. And I actually LOST weight that day. We did a lot of walking though, touring Pittsburgh and stuff with my family. So maybe that's why. But we went to the Melting Pot and I really chowed down on the cheese and chocolate. And at home earlier in the day I was eating quite a bit as well.

Best moment this week: Telling some of coworkers at a happy hour that I was pregnant. It was hilarious. I didn't just announce it to everyone and one knew while another didn't, made a comment about how I was eating pregnant food, and the other one called him some choice words (nice he defended me!). I didn't really step in, just heard it off to the side. A few minutes later the coworker who didn't know said, "Wait, is she really pregnant?" I'm probably not describing it well but that conversation still makes me laugh. And realize I can have some fun with this.

Looking forward to: Our ultrasound on September 7

Comparison of the size of lime (11 wks), lemon (14 wks), and orange (15 wks).
Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Miscarriage thoughts

So although it will be a few weeks after I write this for this to post, yesterday Dave and I went public with our current pregnancy and I've started publicly posting the things I've been writing down as this pregnancy has progressed. My first post was a kind of confession where I admitted that I've had miscarriages and talked a little about it.Now that some more time has passed, I figured I would talk a little more about some of the emotions/feelings I've had.

First, to any of my friends reading this who have had a baby in the last year or so: I'm sorry if I've been pretty quiet or aloof about things. It has been extremely difficult for me to watch people having babies and holding them in their arms. And it has felt like EVERYONE else is having babies but me. You know how they say little girls always dream of their wedding days? I always dreamed of having a baby of my own, not about my wedding day. Ask my mom. I had a baby book and had names picked out (nothing common because I HATED how many Jennifers there are). I was going to have a girl first, Crystal, and then twin girls, Xena and Zora. BTW, Xena: Warrior Princess completely stole my name idea! Unfortunately, Dave doesn't like any of these names so no, this baby will not be Crystal, Xena, or Zora.

Anyway, it has been especially hard seeing friends and family have babies around either of our due dates. Both due dates have someone (actually more than one each time) right around it and even now every time I see a picture of the babies it's hard because it reminds me of what I could have had. I'm not perfect. I try really hard to get past that, but I have my good days and bad days. So while I'm very happy for you and your babies and I recognize what a joy and miracle those babies are, please forgive me for not seeming super excited or responsive about it. And yes, for a lot of people, I set so that I would not see Facebook status updates for awhile. I'm really sorry. It's just something I had to do so I could work through my emotions and try to deal with jealousy and bitterness. (BTW this is also why I'm trying to avoid as much as possible putting pregnancy updates on Facebook itself. I figure people have to want to come here to read this stuff if they're reading it. I won't 100% avoid that but I'm trying to make it a little easier for anyone else going through this right now.)

I have a number of friends who have gone through this (miscarriage). I said before that my heart aches but I don't think I can ever describe how much my heart sinks whenever I have to hear the bad news from someone else. Or that someone is trying to get pregnant and having a hard time with that. My heart seriously just aches, physically aches. I say prayers, try to send cards, give hugs, but I know there is nothing I can do. I just want to take the pain away but I can't.

Sometimes I feel guilty with this pregnancy. I did nothing to deserve this where other friends are still struggling. I keep all of them in my prayers every day and think of them often. And hope that someday they will have a baby in their own arms. I don't even know how else to say how deep all my emotions run with this. I will say that I cry every time I read a blog post or email about someone dealing with infertility, miscarriage, still birth, etc.

This is something I'm sure will take a long time to work through. I've worked through a lot already but it has such an effect and has taken a lot out of me.

With all that said, these are some ways I have dealt with it and worked through some things.

When I see a pregnant woman out in public and I feel a pang of bitterness or jealousy, it helps to remind myself that I have no idea what it took her to get to that place. Not to mention that it is such a blessing, that little baby growing inside of her. It's still hard, but it makes things more tolerable.

Miscarriage wise, when a friend says something hurtful, I take a deep breath and remind myself that they are a friend and do not have malicious intent. They didn't realize that what they said hurt me and it was by no means intentional. I know I need to forgive even if they never know that what they said hurt me and move on; forget about it. And I promise, if you worry that you might have said something, I really have worked hard on this one and made a conscious effort to forgive and forget. It's ok. I love all you guys. (And no, honestly, I'm not thinking of anyone/anything specific as I write this.)

Finally, this pregnancy has really been an emotional roller coaster and although things are better, I'm sure it will continue to be (even after the baby is born). There is a board I lurked on that uses the mantra "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby." While a lot of people seem to find that mantra helpful, for me personally, it's just too hard to say that to myself. With both of my losses, the baby was gone before my body even registered it. For weeks! And I have had a really hard time with that.

So, for me, personally, I have adopted the "mantra" that this is a new pregnancy and I am enjoying every minute of it, what I'm experiencing- and yes the good with the bad. I did buy a home doppler and for me it has been a Godsend. Since the midwife center was understanding and okayed personal use, I have been and will probably continue to use it every few days until I start feeling the baby move. It helps me know that the baby is still ok. I know if I didn't have it, I would be super anxious and it helps me stay calm. I do have an anterior placenta, which I think means it's slightly harder for me to hear the heartbeat. So if I don't hear it once, I'm not going to panic but will try again another day (ok, yes, probably the following day). And if I don't hear it then, I'll call and head in to let the midwives try for the heartbeat and just take things as they come. I know not everyone agrees that this is the best way to do things but it has helped me tremendously so far. And I also recognize that we all have different personalities so for some people it's not the right choice and would cause more worry.

14 weeks

YAY! I am officially in the 2nd trimester! For sure! Some people say you are at 13 weeks but nobody can say I'm not in the 2nd trimester now.

I think I'm finally getting bigger in the mid section but it's still not baby bump, it's just fat! The baby is so low that you wouldn't see it pushing out at all. But it IS the length of a lemon (ish) so I think it's pushing all my fat up and out a little bit.

I've been really busy at work, doing testing. It's a lot of standing, although I have a chair there if I need it but really don't have the time to sit. And although I really haven't gained weight and don't have a stomach, my back is hurting by the end of the day. I'm really glad to get in the car and drive home.

We chose a day care- the one near our house, and paid the registration fee.  I know at 11 weeks I said we had to decide in 1 week, but the owner was getting us recommendations and said not to rush the decision. (Although this is still probably pretty early and the only thing we've really done so far. Haven't discussed names, registry, shower, what we want to buy furniture wise, etc.)

Hard to see anything fully clothed

So until it starts to be noticeable I'll continue to lift my shirt a little

How many weeks: 14

Size of baby: A lemon and measures 9-10 cm or 3.5-4.0 inches. The baby also weights 50 grams or about 1.75 ounces. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I actually lost weight towards the end of this week. And I had been gaining. So I'm down 1 pound this week and down 1.5 pounds overall. Although that will probably go up again next week; this week I've been up until the last few days. Maybe I had a metabolism spike...

Maternity Clothes: Nope, still no maternity clothes. Everything fits fine but I do think that I'm starting to get a "gut". But it definitely doesn't keep me from wearing my normal clothes. 

Sleep: With work I have been exhausted. For the most part I am sleeping like a log. I still get up to pee a few times each night but I fall back asleep as soon as I crawl back into bed. I asked at my appointment this week (at the midwife center) and they said I can sleep on my back or stomach as long as it's comfortable; the baby is protected. Good to know. Apparently if anything could hurt the baby it will also affect me. I had been trying to avoid rolling onto my stomach but now it's all fair game! For a bit at least. 

What I miss: This week several times I have wanted a glass of wine sooo badly. 

Cravings: None

Aversions: The chicken/beef one seems to come and go now. I haven't gotten the nerve to try eggs yet. They tasted worse than chicken or beef.

Symptoms: Hmm... I still get light headed easily. I still have the super sense of smell. And kind of the aversions. But I'm feeling pretty good now that I'm in the 2nd trimester, which is supposed to be the best one! Hopefully I will be running again soon.

Best moment this week: My appointment. It was another of those milestones we didn't reach in the previous pregnancies. And I seriously can't get enough of hearing this baby's heartbeat.

Looking forward to: So this is further out now but I scheduled my A/S ultrasound for September 7th! We'll find out boy or girl. (Hopefully.) The question is, will we tell???

13 weeks

I'm close to the end of the first trimester! That's definitely exciting for me. I've heard from a friend that the first trimester drags but the second goes by really quickly.  We'll see!

I think some of my symptoms are going away but I still don't have a bump so it's still weird- doesn't really feel like I'm pregnant. I'm still not sure sometimes if I believe it.

I inadvertently bought my first piece of maternity clothing this week. I wanted a cardigan to go over my black dress when we went to Gotham Nights at the Toonseum, and went to Target to get something cheap. The only one I have that I like to wear is white and I didn't want to be in just black and white. So I picked out a few from the clearance rack, and tried them on. I really liked one over the rest, so I put the others back. As I went to the check out, I realized that the label was some maternity brand. Now please tell me, what makes a cardigan that doesn't zip or button up, a maternity shirt?? I have yet to figure that out. I bought it anyways and said, well, I guess I'll need it?! But I admit I hid the tag at Gotham Nights, haha. And you can see it (not on though, we weren't in a/c so I didn't end up needing it) in the pictures in my post.

How many weeks: 13

Size of baby: A peach and measures 7-9 cm or 3.0-3.5 inches. The baby also weights 35 grams or about 1.25 ounces. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm the same as last week so I'm overall down 0.5 pounds from when I got the positive test, or 4.5 pounds from pre-pregnancy (still "officially" counting from when I found out though since I'm not sure if the half marathon helped with that weight loss or it was pregnancy weight loss).

Maternity Clothes: No I'm still in the same clothes with no problem. Remind me how annoying this is when I'm complaining about not losing weight and fitting into the old clothes after having a baby!

Gender: So, recap. I had a very early dream it was a girl. During the NT scans Dave and I started thinking boy (just feeling, no reason and the technician didn't even try to guess- our baby had his/her legs crossed anyways). Two friends we told this past week have said boy. LOL. So boy?

Sleep: I'm still tired and going to bed around 9pm. Makes it hard sometimes to hang out with friends but when we tell what's going on they are understanding. I am not peeing as much in the middle of the night- I read that as you grow your uterus doesn't push on your bladder as much because it goes up instead of back. Or something like that. So it's probably a combination of that and that I try to drink a lot of water early in the day and lay off in the evening.

What I miss: I'm feeling pretty good. So still just alcohol.


Cravings: Nope, not really. I still like sugary stuff but I always have.

Aversions: I spit out some chicken (sorry Dave) earlier in the week. So my meat aversion might be starting to go away but then again maybe not. It seems to go in waves now. I eat what protein I can.

Symptoms: Well, symptoms are kinda going away but I do still have some. Super sense of smell, tend to get light headed... Early in the week I had a lot of weird stomach feelings; I wonder if that was a growth spurt.

Best moment this week: Nothing really stands out and I've been super busy at work doing testing. :)

Looking forward to: I'm still doing testing this week so BED is what I'm looking forward to. Haha.

Sorry, no picture this week.. We were too busy so I never took one. I look the same though.

12 weeks

Well, if how the baby acts during the ultrasound is any indication, we have a very stubborn baby who isn't going to do what people want. We went for an ultrasound at 11 weeks 2 days (measured 11 weeks 5 days- 50 mm long) and although the technician spent a long time and then the doctor came in and tried, the baby just would not move into the right position to get the measurement for the NT scan. The NT scan tests, among other things, for down's syndrome. It's a screening, so you don't get a yes/no, you get a high/low risk. We honestly don't care about the genetic portion; we just wanted to see our baby again. But it's the only way insurance covers this one. So the baby was in the wrong position, looked all cute and cuddly, and didn't want to move. They had me try coughing, which did get the baby to move and the baby would go to the right position but move around so much that they couldn't get a screen shot for the measurement. So the baby would move back to where s/he had been, and settle down and go to sleep. Silly baby.

After the doctor tried, I asked if walking would help. (After awhile the baby even was ignoring me coughing.) They said probably not but we'll leave for 5 minutes. I walked, jumped, did jumping jacks, and poked my belly while doing all of those, hoping it would help. Nope. So they told us to reschedule and come back.

You can see the lines of the fingers, above the nose/mouth. (The head is to the left and body is to the right.)

At 11 weeks 5 days we went back AGAIN, got the same technician AGAIN (she was really nice so no complaints there) and the baby was stubborn again! The head was swapped so the baby was lying in the opposite position, and actually in the right position but they needed the chin up just a little little bit. She tried and took several pictures but the doctor said that it wasn't good enough. So someone else came in and tried and sat there for quite awhile. The baby had hiccups, kept moving his/her hands around, and it looked like even hit him/herself in the face once. So cute! And at one point the baby moved around so the head was on the other side. In the meantime, the doctor/technician was trying all different angles to get a measurement. Eventually she asked the technician to see if any of the pictures were good enough but she wasn't sure so she even kept the wand out waiting to see. But the technician came in and said yep, got one! So yay, Dave and I didn't have to come back again. Although it was so nice seeing the baby again. The baby measured 53mm, although that's approximate, and put it around 12 weeks. We also got 4 additional pictures! I wish we had brought another DVD for a video. (We got a video from the first NT ultrasound but it's probably pretty boring for anyone else to watch).

Dave says it looks like I'm sucking in my gut, but I think that's because I'm getting a little bump below my belly button!

 

How many weeks: 12

Size of baby: A plum and measures 5-6 cm or 2.0-2.4 inches. The baby also weights 14 grams or about 0.5 ounces. Our baby seems to be right on track- measured 5 cm and 5.3 cm throughout the week.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm finally eating some more food (still not better for me) and I'm up 1 pound. So overall that puts me down 0.5 pounds.

Maternity Clothes: Nope, not close yet- although all my weekly updates say I should be more comfortable in looser clothing.  I haven't really noticed any issue with my clothes but I can still feel the hard spot and it's getting bigger so... we'll see how long it takes for my current clothes to be tight. 

Gender: I'm adding this back at least for this week. Early on I had a dream it was a girl. But with these ultrasounds I'm almost saying he/him and Dave seems to be referring to the baby as him. We both hate saying "it". So... does that mean boy? I'd really like to know but I think it's going to be fun guessing until we can find out at the anatomy scan.

Sleep: Are ultrasounds supposed to make you tired? If not, there's something wrong with me. ;) Saturday after the ultrasound and blood draw I was just so tired it wasn't even funny. Same thing on Tuesday after the ultrasound. I am really liking naps right now. I'm not getting up to pee as much in the middle of the night. Maybe I'm getting the knack of when to stop drinking so I don't have to pee in the middle of the night! Or maybe I'm just really tired. Some nights I still wake up around 3-4am but recently every few nights I'm actually sleeping straight until the alarm goes off.

What I miss: Still just beer and especially wine. I would love to curl up with a glass of wine right now. 


Cravings: Not really anything. I still tend to eat pizza and ice cream. 

Aversions: I'm hoping that the aversion to meat is going away.  I had a cheeseburger from McDonald's and it wasn't unpalatable. So we'll see. I told Dave I'm afraid to have him grill because I don't want to throw out a burger he made if I do still have aversions.

Symptoms: I still get really light headed, really easily. I left practice early because it was hot and I was feeling light headed. I lean against things when I stand up just to make sure I won't fall over.

Best moment this week: The two ultrasounds. The baby just looks so cuddly and I really can't wait to hold him/her in my arms. And I think I got spoiled this week with two ultrasounds. When can I have my next one? ;) 

Looking forward to: Hopefully some more energy in the weeks to come! We are going to a Batman thing at the Toonseum on Saturday and then church on Sunday and I'm hoping I won't be exhausted. 

11 weeks

I am tired of constantly feeling like I have PMS for weeks on end. And I'm very sorry, Dave, that you're putting up with my roller coaster of emotions!

On the other hand, 11 weeks is so nice! I love that I can officially say I am 11 weeks now.

The day we hit 11 weeks we visited 5 daycares. That makes me feel like this is more real. It's funny, when we'd say we're expecting everyone automatically looks at my stomach which is still completely flat. And I say, yes, we're pretty early to be looking at daycares. BUT it's worth going this early. One of our top day care choices, which is in our neighborhood, has a waiting list and we only have a week to decide whether or not we want to go with them. If we don't, they already have somebody else asking. They're pretty small so they can only have 4 infants at a time (1 caregiver for that age) and we would be the 4th. And honestly, the responsibility of this decision is very overwhelming and freaking me out just a bit. This is where our kid is going to spend the entire day while we're at work all year. Yikes.

How many weeks: 11


Size of baby: A kumquat and measures a 1.5-2 inches. Weighs about 8 grams.  (Another web site says a lime but has a lemon at 14 weeks... aren't lemons and limes about the same size?)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Surprisingly, I have not gained or lost any weight in the last 4 weeks (5 weeks straight at the same weight.  I do fluctuate throughout the week a bit but am hovering around the same weight.  I'm down 1.5 pounds. 

Maternity Clothes: No. I still think it's going to be awhile. We'll see. I do think I'm starting to get some fat around my stomach area. Not much but more than normal. I haven't gained weight so it's redistributing? From where, no idea.

Sleep: I thought I was getting energy back until we visited 5 day cares in one day. Dave drove but I was EXHAUSTED. I still get up to pee several times a night and wake up somewhere between 3 and 4 am and sleep fitfully from then until my alarm goes off.

What I miss: I've been giving dirty looks to Dave whenever he is drinking beer. Of course, when he asks if I want him to stop drinking while I can't drink I say no. And sigh. 


Cravings: This week I had frozen yogurt with toppings one night. As my dinner. :)

Aversions: I ate sausage and it was ok. It was smothered in syrup though so I'm not sure it's a fair test. I don't really even want to try beef, chicken, or eggs right now so I assume that they're still aversions of mine. 

Symptoms: Same old stuff. But I found out apparently I've had heartburn. I thought it was the start of a sore throat but a friend explained that's actually heartburn. And this is one symptom that will not go away when I'm out of the first trimester. (Something I'm looking forward to with aversions, lack of energy, etc. It will be nice not wanting to just lay on a couch all day.) Recently my light headedness is getting even worse. I'm hoping when I can eat more protein and stuff, that will get better. 

Best moment this week: I love having the home doppler. I really don't use it very often but it's definitely getting easier to find the baby's heartbeat. Still going strong! And I'm learning how to follow the baby when it moves. Take that, baby! ;) I talk to the baby too.

Looking forward to: Seeing the baby during our NT Scan on Saturday

10 weeks

Oh, the heat! I feel guilty whining about the heat because I have no stomach or anything but I'm usually always cold and this heat wave (off and on heat wave) has really been affecting me. And it seems like even though I'm drinking a LOT of water and gatorade, I'm getting dehydrated very easily. We had a concert at Kennywood on Saturday, and although it wasn't as hot as it was Friday or Sunday, I ended up feeling very sick. We went later than we normally would, since I couldn't ride anything, but ended up leaving right after the concert/packing the percussion equipment up. I also felt bad because I was avoiding carrying stuff, and people didn't know why. I don't know how much that was noticed. I would have tried harder if I wasn't feeling so bad!

Also, we heard the heartbeat through a doppler at my appointment! Yay! That is one huge milestone for me. And means we're one step closer to feeling ok with telling more close friends/family. The heartbeat measured over 170bpm.

I have to admit the appointment was very hard. And that, against the adamant advice of some friends, I bought a doppler for home. (The midwife center is ok with that and also said that if I want to come in and have them check for the heartbeat, they'll do that as well.) So Sunday a friend helped me find the heartbeat, which you would think would calm me down for the appointment Monday. Well, it did, until the I was sitting in the waiting room before my appointment. Then it felt like deja vu. In both previous pregnancies, the appointment is where we started finding out the bad news. Also, at the midwife center, they give you your entire chart and I was there pretty early so I was flipping through it and reading my ultrasound results from my previous pregnancies. BAD IDEA! And then it seemed like all the women waiting for appointments had their families there. One woman had her newborn and I just wanted to pick him up and hold him- his little feet and toes were just oh so adorable. Sitting there I started getting teary eyed, blinking back tears, trying to get my mind off it. By the time we went back for the appointment I was crying. I know it's stupid and at least partly hormone driven. For goodness sakes, I had just heard the heartbeat myself the day before! So yeah, I'm a bit embarrassed about that. But the appointment went well, we heard the heartbeat, everything is ok, and I actually made my next 3 appointments. Can you believe that?! I don't think I can! So happy!

How many weeks: 10

Size of baby: A prune and measures a little over an inch (2.5-3cm). Weighs about 1/4 of an ounce

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Still holding steady, down 1.5 pounds 

Maternity Clothes: Nope. Still not even close. I've asked a few people and it sounds like it could be a little ways off before I will need maternity clothes. Although at my appointment she did say I was a bit bigger than how far along I am (yay for that actually) but that could be because of the previous pregnancies and already being partly stretched out. But any of that hardness is so low you can't see it.

Sleep: Yikes, sleep. I really don't know what's going on but I'm exhausted. Dave and I have gotten into a routine where we go to bed pretty early, I lean on him and sleep, and he watches a TV show. But then I wake up almost every night sometime between 3-4am and have a hard time falling back asleep. It's not being anxious (at least not consciously) but my stomach is all over the place. Sometimes I kind of doze off and on, but some nights I really don't sleep from then until the alarm goes off. I make sure I close my eyes at least and relax until I have to get up.

What I miss: Beer. Mmmmm beer. And margaritas.

Cravings: I like mashed potatoes a lot. I'm not sure I'd call it a craving though. And darn some of my friends, talking about donuts. Now I want one. But I don't think that's a craving either.

Aversions: Same old stuff. Beef, chicken, eggs- I'm not getting enough protein!

Symptoms: Tired, very emotional (poor Dave). My emotions are all over the place. I still get light headed easily but I'm making sure I take iron and stay hydrated.

Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat on the doppler!

Looking forward to: NT Scan on July 14th. It's more than one week away but I can't wait to see our baby again.

9 weeks

Early in the week I had a miscarriage dream. It's still hard. I have my ups and downs and I really want my take home baby this time. :) For the most part I do feel ok but I know I'm still worrying even though I'm trying to just be positive and I AM excited about this baby. I keep focusing on the next milestone. Right now I know I'm past the point development wise of the previous pregnancies. The ultrasound just before 7 weeks proved that. But there's still something psychological about the 1st real appointment and about the 10-11 week point. The first appointment in both cases is when they couldn't find a heartbeat and ordered the ultrasound, and we found out that development had stopped around 6 weeks 2 days and 6 weeks 1 day. My first appointments for those pregnancies were both after 10 weeks. This first appointment will be slightly before 10 weeks. They might not find a heartbeat before 10 weeks via a doppler, and I will understand that but if we can actually hear the heartbeat at my first appointment I will be ecstatic and that will be a huge milestone for me. I think it will also be a point where I really feel like I'm past where I was.

It's hard because, yes, I do have some symptoms, but I also don't really feel pregnant. I don't look pregnant.  My clothes aren't even tight yet. I can't feel the baby. But every day I say a little prayer (well more than once a day) that things will be ok and thank God for this precious baby and another chance at this.

Also, earlier in the week (kinda around 8 weeks actually but I'm putting it in this post) it was oppressively hot. One of the days my car said 99 degrees and that was after my car had been running so it actually dropped from when I first started the car. We went to a Pirates game and it was intense for me. There was a tailgate with former coworkers and we decided to go to that.  I felt guilty because I felt pretty hot/tired/light headed, and there were some visibly pregnant women who looked better than I felt. I'm so glad we had club level seats; when the gates opened I asked Dave if we could go into the a/c. Between the tailgate and the actual game, I had 8 bottles of water. So at least I kept hydrated. But my body was definitely hot- even Dave mentioned that at one point when he touched my leg. I asked him to leave at the top of the 7th inning even though it was just around 9pm at that point, and we missed 2 home runs and a complete game by McDonald (his first of his pro career). But it was really nice to get into the air conditioned car and then our air conditioned home. Of all people, me saying that?!?!

How many weeks: 9

Size of baby: Grape or olive, 20 mm (2 cm)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Same as last week, down 1.5 pounds

Maternity Clothes: Not even close. I even got a comment that I've lost weight.

Sleep: I'm tired but not really sleeping well. I don't know why.

What I miss: Beer. I'm about to tell Dave to stop drinking it when I'm around. ;)

Cravings: I get hungry but don't feel like eating much.

Aversions: Same things- beef, chicken, eggs... I tried a burger at Burger King and forced it down just because of all the toppings (I got a Whopper Junior). I also tried chicken at Chick-Fil-A and soaked them in honey mustard sauce but didn't eat all of them.

Symptoms: My abdomen actually has a little hard spot! I'm excited about that. I can feel it with my hand when I'm standing up but not when I'm lying down. Although I also felt what I thought was "sick" but I think it's that I can feel this and it's such a weird feeling I don't know how to even describe it. And it might also be what makes me toss and turn a little bit at night. This past weekend I spent most of the time on the couch and napped a little bit, which makes sleeping at night a little worse. I also still get light headed easily and have those same aversions.

Best moment this week: Realizing I have a little hard spot in my abdomen. That's something I didn't feel the previous times.

Looking forward to: My appointment is 4 days away! Crossing my fingers they are able to find the heartbeat with the doppler. I know it will be early but I have to admit if they don't I will definitely be panicky. 

Midwife vs. Doctor

Disclaimer: These are my personal opinions. If you disagree, it doesn't mean I think you are wrong. And it is ok to disagree but I want to talk about my personal decisions and the reasoning behind it. I don't mind answering questions but I get tired of hearing people tell me they disagree (and that my opinion is wrong) as if that's going to change my mind about this. I'm not writing this to argue, just to try to explain for those who have asked what my thoughts are and show that this was a well thought out decision.

When Dave and I initially discussed trying to have a baby, I decided that I want to use a midwife. It's actually something I've leaned towards my whole life based on my mom's influence and just listening to people who have had babies (with both doctors and midwives). 

I think pretty much anyone who reads this knows I have a pretty severe needle phobia. If not, just a little background. When I was younger (5 maybe) I had a lump in my neck that grew to softball/grapefruit size so my parents took me to the hospital. (Turns out it was a virus but apparently it was quite the process to figure out what the problem was and things like cancer were thrown around but eliminated.) When I went into the hospital, I apparently let them put the IV in no problem. But when I came out of the hospital, after the testing, etc., I wouldn't let anyone near me with anything sharp. I blocked/repressed the memories and don't remember much from that hospital visit, just bits and pieces not related to anything hospital wise. Since then, I kinda freak out when I have to get blood drawn, a shot, etc. I've gone to psychiatrists, a hypnotist, etc. I can talk about this more later, but even if I feel better about things, let's just say I'd prefer to avoid anything that isn't absolutely necessary when it comes to blood draws and needles. 

Just to illustrate how this does affect me- For example, when I have to get blood drawn, the night before (or nights before) I wear socks to bed. If I don't, I will dream that snakes are biting my feet.  When I was in high school I finally made the connection that this had to do with the phobia. My parents told me that when I was in the hospital they ended up drawing blood from my toes because I wouldn't let them draw blood from my fingers or arms anymore. (My toes are curling as I write this just out of nervousness.) I don't remember that at all but I guess my subconscious still does.

As a result, I'd like to go as natural as possible. Who knows, maybe the pain of labor will be bad enough that I won't mind an epidural needle in my back (at least you can't see it...) so I'm not saying I would never, ever get an epidural. But that kind of stuff freaks me out so I'd prefer to avoid it. I'm one of those people who would rather get the flu than get a flu shot. Stupid, yes. But this is not something I can change, and believe me I've been trying. Hopefully going to a hypnotist WILL help. It was starting to help me relax but with the miscarriages I reverted back to almost where I was before going to him.

These are the reasons I have opted to go to a midwife instead of a doctor:

1. They are less likely to force/vehemently suggest procedures on someone. They might recommend a procedure but you are generally in more control of the decisions. They are very willing to discuss the positives and negatives, and if it's necessary, yes, you have to do a procedure. And this doesn't mean a doctor isn't going to be the same. But I have not been comfortable with any of the doctors I've worked with so far. I'm very comfortable with the midwife center.  For example, with the miscarriages, they will typically draw blood afterwards every few days (I think) to make sure your hormones/hcg levels go down to normal. I asked them if that was the main reason for the blood draws and if there were secondary reasons and we talked about this. I asked if they would be ok with me taking a home pregnancy test before we try again to make sure my levels are back to normal, instead of doing the blood tests. They said they'd recommend the blood tests still but if that's what I wanted to do it was fine and wouldn't hurt anything.

2. In Pittsburgh, the midwife group I am dealing with has a birthing center. As long as the pregnancy is low risk I can have the baby in the birthing center instead of the hospital. The big advantage (for me) to the birthing center? No IV! In the hospital they are required to put an IV in when they admit you even if at the time you don't need the IV. Whenever I have to get an IV it makes me freeze. I will not move. I imagine that will not be comfortable for labor. And I have no idea how much pain labor will be and maybe that will make me forget an IV. But I do know that I feel disgusting with the IV in and will just sit as still as possible and worry about that. I would prefer not to have to worry about it if possible.

With that said, I do have some concerns and this is the thought process I've gone through.

1. The midwives can't do a lot of things doctors can. For example, they are not certified to do a c-section if it were to be necessary. But they have multiple doctors associated who can handle any of that if the need arises. If everything goes smoothly, however, they don't use the doctor. I did meet one of the doctors with my second miscarriage and she was great. I will meet the other doctors during the course of the pregnancy. (BTW they are certified to deliver babies, etc. I should look up the specifics on that sometime. I have before but I don't remember all the details offhand.)

2. If you have a birth at the birthing center, you do not have a stay like you would at the hospital. I think at a hospital you would stay for 48 hours after birth, or something along that line. At the birthing center you can stay up to 12 hours after, but then you go home. I had some major reservations about this but started talking to people and I feel much better about it now. First, if you have the baby at the birthing center, things went smoothly. So that should mean you don't need extra attention or care. Second, yes, that means you have to care for the baby yourself from the getgo. But from what I hear you are getting poked and prodded in the hospital anyways and the baby could be there the entire time. I guess they also don't give a baby a bath but I think that will be the least of my worries when the time comes. And the more I thought about all this, with my aversion to doctors, hospitals, etc., I think I would be much more comfortable in my home/bed anyways. They follow up with a nurse the next day and I bet I'll have so many questions about what to do, that poor nurse.

3. I did wonder about the epidural. They can't do the epidural at the birthing center. Which, although I'd prefer to not deal with any needles if possible, I still do wonder if I'd want one when the time comes. This isn't the optimal situation but they said if you decide you want an epidural, they could do one but you would transfer to the hospital for that.

4. Along the same line as #3, a reservation I have about the birthing center is that if complications do arise, you might need to transfer from the birthing center to the hospital. Ha, while in labor and having contractions! But that is something I will just deal with at the time if it happens. It seems like they are fairly conservative about hospital vs. birthing center and will err on the side of hospital if there is any risk in the pregnancy. But at least going with the midwives, I do have a possibility of using the birthing center and no IV. I can't stress how important that is to me. It's worth dealing with the other stuff.

And yes I recognize that you really can't plan how this will all work out. But I would like to do anything that can make me feel less stress and anxiety about this whole process. My mom used a midwife for all three of us and all three of us turned out fine and she was fine afterwards. Midwives are certified, just not to the degree doctors are. But they are certainly qualified for what they do. If there is something that comes up that requires something they aren't qualified to do, there are associated doctors to take care of that. And it won't be some random doctor I've never met before.

It will be interesting after labor to see how my thoughts have changed or maybe not changed. So I promise afterwards I will talk about how I feel after having gone through all this. Don't worry, I'll avoid grisly details.

Also, one final thought. It really is about finding someone you yourself are comfortable with and trust. If I did not trust the midwives I have dealt with, I would not be dealing with them. And that is always going to be a personal decision based on differing personalities. Just because this is what I prefer doesn't mean it's the best idea for anyone else.