In memory

I feel compelled to post this just because I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

One year ago today, we said goodbye to our second baby/pregnancy. I wish I could be holding that baby in my arms right now, sitting at this computer, but it just wasn't meant to be. I hope our first two babies are up in Heaven, playing together. There have been days that that's the only thought that keeps me moving. Even a year later.

I know it's a popular song on Christian radio, but especially lately Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns keeps coming on the radio. That's really what prompted me to even post about this day that I will be remembering and praying.

Our band plays Praise You In This Storm and I handle it fine when we're playing it but I can't sing along to the whole thing when it comes on the radio. I end up stopping because I'm tearing up too much. I wonder if that will every fully go away. This song has so much meaning to me and has really become a reminder to me of both of our losses.

Verse 1:
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Chorus:
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Verse 2:
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Chorus x2

We love you and miss you, baby. We learned we were expecting you on September 26, 2011. We lovingly nicknamed you Little Monster. Your estimated due date was June 5, 2012 and we lost you at 10 weeks 1 day on November 9, 2011. You will always, always hold a place in my heart.