Daycare

There are a lot of mixed feelings on letting someone else care for your child and I thought I would weigh in on my personal thoughts. I actually started this post probably 6 months ago and then hesitated about posting and have changed it a little bit after time has passed.

Honestly if I could do anything at all I would be a stay at home mom. But, I knew before even marrying Dave that this just wouldn't be financially possible for us. I am the breadwinner in our family so I always knew I would have to work. I also knew that in my heart I wanted to be a stay at home mom but I love Dave and did make a conscious decision that it was worth it when I married him.

I have to admit, though, that going back to work was even harder than I thought it was going to be after having Neil. The last week of my maternity leave I cried off and on quite a bit just at the prospect of going back to work. I think I tried to hide it from Dave because I don't ever want him to feel guilty or anything. This is what it is but it doesn't stop my emotions. Sometimes you just have to let the emotions out and move on.

With that said, I do think that there are pros and cons to working and daycare.

Pros to working:

• Obviously there are financial benefits as long as both parents net enough more than you are paying for daycare. For us, there are financial benefits.
• Time to yourself to do your own thing and be an independent person
• Adult time, which is kind of related to the previous bullet. But I know sometimes as a stay at home mom it can be hard to get that in.

Cons to working:

• I counted up once the number of hours daycare gets with Neil vs the number of hours I get with Neil. Do NOT do this if you are a working mom. It's very sad to think about. I regret that it feels like daycare is really raising my son. 
• Similar to that, in the evenings I barely feel like I see him. We get home, I cook dinner, we eat dinner, and then we might play for a few minutes but we start the bedtime routine shortly after dinner. If I want to hang out with friends I miss Neil altogether. And in my particular instance that's for the entire day since I leave for work before he's even up.

Pros to daycare:

• Neil has learned a LOT at daycare. They do preschool for the kids and he has wanted to sit in so they let him even though he's too young. They work with him. He has even learned Spanish.
• They are used to raising kids and how to handle different situations. I've used them for advice at times.
• Socially, it's been great as well. Neil interacts daily with other kids of various ages and has been since he moved out of the infant room. (Even in the infant room I think sometimes they did see the older kids although they do keep them separated.)

Cons to daycare:

• Because someone else has a huge part in the upbringing of my son, I don't know what they are necessarily doing and it can be hard to be consistent with them. Not to mention that they don't always do things the way that I would want to. However, I do think that this would be the case even if family was watching Neil, that they would not do things exactly the way I would if I were at home.
• Money. It costs a lot. 

I know this is kind of a short list but I think it catches how I feel about daycare. If I had a choice? I would hands down be a stay at home mom. But there are definite benefits to daycare that are helping Neil since I do have to work. They are the ones who established a routine for Neil initially. I didn't even know as a new mom that at 12 weeks a baby could have a routine! And Neil in particular thrives in routine so I think that helped a lot. I do go back and forth about really missing him and then understanding that there are benefits to being at work. This post is titled daycare but there are benefits for me working as well.

I am nervous about how I'm going to feel about putting another baby in daycare. I'm sure that the emotions will be there. I don't know if it will be better or worse. Pregnancy and having a baby really messes with your hormones. Plus we will be in a new place with a new daycare. At least Neil will have been there for awhile so we'll be used to it. I may have to come back and read this post. Neil has really thrived in daycare. I know that me raising him would have been just as good but in different ways. We all do the best we can and that's what really matters.