Early in the week I had a miscarriage dream. It's still hard. I have my ups and downs and I really want my take home baby this time. :) For the most part I do feel ok but I know I'm still worrying even though I'm trying to just be positive and I AM excited about this baby. I keep focusing on the next milestone. Right now I know I'm past the point development wise of the previous pregnancies. The ultrasound just before 7 weeks proved that. But there's still something psychological about the 1st real appointment and about the 10-11 week point. The first appointment in both cases is when they couldn't find a heartbeat and ordered the ultrasound, and we found out that development had stopped around 6 weeks 2 days and 6 weeks 1 day. My first appointments for those pregnancies were both after 10 weeks. This first appointment will be slightly before 10 weeks. They might not find a heartbeat before 10 weeks via a doppler, and I will understand that but if we can actually hear the heartbeat at my first appointment I will be ecstatic and that will be a huge milestone for me. I think it will also be a point where I really feel like I'm past where I was.
It's hard because, yes, I do have some symptoms, but I also don't really feel pregnant. I don't look pregnant. My clothes aren't even tight yet. I can't feel the baby. But every day I say a little prayer (well more than once a day) that things will be ok and thank God for this precious baby and another chance at this.
Also, earlier in the week (kinda around 8 weeks actually but I'm putting it in this post) it was oppressively hot. One of the days my car said 99 degrees and that was after my car had been running so it actually dropped from when I first started the car. We went to a Pirates game and it was intense for me. There was a tailgate with former coworkers and we decided to go to that. I felt guilty because I felt pretty hot/tired/light headed, and there were some visibly pregnant women who looked better than I felt. I'm so glad we had club level seats; when the gates opened I asked Dave if we could go into the a/c. Between the tailgate and the actual game, I had 8 bottles of water. So at least I kept hydrated. But my body was definitely hot- even Dave mentioned that at one point when he touched my leg. I asked him to leave at the top of the 7th inning even though it was just around 9pm at that point, and we missed 2 home runs and a complete game by McDonald (his first of his pro career). But it was really nice to get into the air conditioned car and then our air conditioned home. Of all people, me saying that?!?!
How many weeks: 9
Size of baby: Grape or olive, 20 mm (2 cm)
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Same as last week, down 1.5 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Not even close. I even got a comment that I've lost weight.
Sleep: I'm tired but not really sleeping well. I don't know why.
What I miss: Beer. I'm about to tell Dave to stop drinking it when I'm around. ;)
Cravings: I get hungry but don't feel like eating much.
Aversions: Same things- beef, chicken, eggs... I tried a burger at Burger King and forced it down just because of all the toppings (I got a Whopper Junior). I also tried chicken at Chick-Fil-A and soaked them in honey mustard sauce but didn't eat all of them.
Symptoms: My abdomen actually has a little hard spot! I'm excited about that. I can feel it with my hand when I'm standing up but not when I'm lying down. Although I also felt what I thought was "sick" but I think it's that I can feel this and it's such a weird feeling I don't know how to even describe it. And it might also be what makes me toss and turn a little bit at night. This past weekend I spent most of the time on the couch and napped a little bit, which makes sleeping at night a little worse. I also still get light headed easily and have those same aversions.
Best moment this week: Realizing I have a little hard spot in my abdomen. That's something I didn't feel the previous times.
Looking forward to: My appointment is 4 days away! Crossing my fingers they are able to find the heartbeat with the doppler. I know it will be early but I have to admit if they don't I will definitely be panicky.
Welcome to my life. It's crazy, and busy, but that's really the way I like life to be.
So did you end up asking Dave not to drink around you?
ReplyDeleteHaha no, I wouldn't do that to him. But he needs to drink (AHEM if he reads this) some of the beer that won't be good in January. Like my bottle of Dogfish Head Namaste.
DeleteI actually almost panicked this time around because my OB did not find a heartbeat at the first appointment this time around but they did with my first 2 at that appointment. I guess it was good that happened because it made me realize that although I initially did not want to be pregnant a third time, it made me realize how every pregnancy is a miracle and made me realize I was already in love with this 3rd baby too.
ReplyDeleteas for the alcohol thing, I get kinda jealous when Greg drinks wine in front of me, but could care less when he drinks a beer. lol. I hate beer. lol. I miss wine tho and I never really drank it that much before the pregnancy but still... lol.
Did they send you for an ultrasound when they couldn't find the heartbeat? They did both times for me; but the first time there were other concerning signs and the second time I had the history of the first loss. Thank goodness we heard the heartbeat here (both the day before and at the appointment). Otherwise I would have been a mess.
DeleteHmmm next time you're in Pittsburgh I will take you somewhere with some good craft brews. You do somewhat have to develop a taste for it (I did) but I could introduce you to some of the better beers. None of that Bud Light stuff. ;) I love wine, too.
No they didnt, they just said its still sort of early and that I may be earlier then they think. Then the next appt everything was fine.
ReplyDeleteI dont know if I could get past my disdain for the beer. lol. I would prefer a wine tasting instead to be honest. lol. :)
PS I just saw this reply because I am going backwards to see if I made a post of my gender guess on here somewhere. LOL
I like wine, too. :) But we drink beer more often so I'll probably say beer before wine. Did you find a gender guess? It might be on facebook if you did guess. I can't remember..
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